revelatory inspiration

Just realized that I have not posted anything for almost 2 weeks. It is not that I haven't been writing as I have been - but only for myself. Started to do my morning pages by long-hand when I first get up and it has become my favourite part of the day. Been having a hard time emotionally for the past few weeks and didn't feel like burdening others with my brand of angst.

For any of you who have read the Artist's Way, you'll know of what I speak. And for those of you who don't know of this book, it is all about harnessing your creativity and spirituality through your own personal insights....or at least that is what it has become to me.

It is also a way for me to work through my stuff without anyone else giving me their two cents worth, not that I don't value the input of others but at this point in time it is up to me to move past this current phase. Very revelatory actually and am learning a lot about me. In fact learning more at this time on my own than ever before so, while it is quite solitary, I know it is for the best.

I've never been one to enjoy times of solitude but this time it is different. I have been told it is called cocooning by some. For others it is referred to as going into the cave. Whatever it is, it is certainly a time to just be with me and me alone. Not feeling the urge or urgency to get out there amongst the masses......not even to dance. Sleeping lots and writing when the urge hits but other than that, just maintaining at the gym and eating when I feel hungry.

No more reaching out to others which is totally different and at first it elicited fear within me. But as the days have progressed, I am finding that I am enjoying this time of solitude. Finding myself a tad too unmotivated however and working on that.

Had an encounter with someone today - in fact one of the people that "helped" put me into this place of solitude - and the reaction I had to her was pretty profound. Extreme feelings of anxiety and anger rose to the surface and I need to deal with that. I'm sure she is not the only source of anger in my psyche but it surprised me as I don't deal with anger much at all anymore but, surprise, surprise......it is lingering just beneath the surface. Good to be aware of that methinks. Must be time to deal with IT. Yikes.....

Today it certainly feels like Fall.........the rain and cooler temperatures grab our attention. Thanksgiving is right around the corner for those of us in Canada though and had a wonderful phone call from my new daughter in law asking if I had any plans yet. Interesting because this morning while writing I had made a note to call the kids and ask if they would like to have a QUIET Thanksgiving dinner in my home. And as it turns out, she is ready for a quiet get together ala ME as her family has been full on celebration for the past couple of months, what with the preparation for the wedding and then THE DAY so she was hoping that I would supply the "parental" dinner for Thanksgiving. Felt VERY VERY good.

And with Thanksgiving fast approaching I am preparing to give thanks for this time of clearing within me.....this time of release of all that angst that has been nipping at my heels and tugging on my Soul.

It's all good and in divine right time and order. I do feel blessed even within the midst of all this change.

Blessings to you all.

Namaste