I had been wondering if I was somehow losing my mind. Perhaps I am truly just now finding it. Quite the concept.
Have been spending so much time on my own of late and, strangely for me, starting to enjoy my time with only me. There is this part of me that keeps saying "why are you not getting out there and doing "stuff""? And there is another part of me saying "I would rather sit here and get to know YOU" and that is precisely what I seem to be doing of late. Getting acquainted with ME. Strange place to be in. There is that word again............STRANGE
And then I read an article about the upcoming Full Moon in Aries and realized that I am exactly where I AM meant to be for the next phase of my personal growth. To quote one of the bloggers on Spirited Woman. com (great site by the way.........love it) ............
"It's time to let go of anything in your life that is now holding you back from personal development. This is a gorgeous cosmic opportunity to be "All about YOU" and not feel guilty about it. The Universe wants YOU to succeed and with Aries energy strong now, you have some "piss and vinegar" to help you go for whatever it is in your life you've wanted to. This is also an excellent Full Moon to release some quality from your personality that you know isn't really YOU anymore. Only you know what this is. Rest assured that if you're not letting go of something you may be cheated out of the new beginnings that could come from Aries energy."
Just thought it fit perfectly with where I am..........it is all about me.......Me doing what I want to do. Me getting out there and proving my talents to ME. Me loving me just for being ME....
And that is what I have been working on this past little while - diligently. Digging deep and unearthing some pretty clear truths about who I have been in the past and who I am now discovering myself to be. I gotta tell you - these are two blatantly different women.
No wonder it has been so hard finding my rhythm this past few years. I was shifting and trying to maintain the old ways - all the while only succeeding in holding my life at bay.
I give credit for this realization to my morning pages............let's hear it for the Morning Pages. For those of you do them, you know of what I speak and for those of you are not yet cheerers of your own Morning Pages - think about it. Once you allow your inner voice free reign - as this is what these few (only 3 hand written) pages are all about - you will become the recipient of a whole wealth of knowledge that has been sitting patiently waiting for you to ask. It is all so very VERY liberating.
Then I read the question from someone "Are you a spirited woman?" I thought about it for a while as I wasn't quite sure how I wanted to respond but then it hit me. Yes, of course I am a spirited woman for I am the spirit of this woman sitting here keying in all these wonderful words. I sometimes lose sight of that fact when dwelling in negativity which, sadly, I have to admit I had succumbed to of late. I'm almost embarrassed to admit this but at least this time, I was not subjecting anyone else to it and I was left to my own devices to correct this thinking...........this ungrateful attitude.
I feel more uplifted than I have in weeks. That light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter. I can feel it coming closer. I can feel it rising higher. I can truly give thanks for this beautiful day.
May you also have a wonderful day and weekend full of blessings from all directions
Namaste
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
revelatory inspiration
Just realized that I have not posted anything for almost 2 weeks. It is not that I haven't been writing as I have been - but only for myself. Started to do my morning pages by long-hand when I first get up and it has become my favourite part of the day. Been having a hard time emotionally for the past few weeks and didn't feel like burdening others with my brand of angst.
For any of you who have read the Artist's Way, you'll know of what I speak. And for those of you who don't know of this book, it is all about harnessing your creativity and spirituality through your own personal insights....or at least that is what it has become to me.
It is also a way for me to work through my stuff without anyone else giving me their two cents worth, not that I don't value the input of others but at this point in time it is up to me to move past this current phase. Very revelatory actually and am learning a lot about me. In fact learning more at this time on my own than ever before so, while it is quite solitary, I know it is for the best.
I've never been one to enjoy times of solitude but this time it is different. I have been told it is called cocooning by some. For others it is referred to as going into the cave. Whatever it is, it is certainly a time to just be with me and me alone. Not feeling the urge or urgency to get out there amongst the masses......not even to dance. Sleeping lots and writing when the urge hits but other than that, just maintaining at the gym and eating when I feel hungry.
No more reaching out to others which is totally different and at first it elicited fear within me. But as the days have progressed, I am finding that I am enjoying this time of solitude. Finding myself a tad too unmotivated however and working on that.
Had an encounter with someone today - in fact one of the people that "helped" put me into this place of solitude - and the reaction I had to her was pretty profound. Extreme feelings of anxiety and anger rose to the surface and I need to deal with that. I'm sure she is not the only source of anger in my psyche but it surprised me as I don't deal with anger much at all anymore but, surprise, surprise......it is lingering just beneath the surface. Good to be aware of that methinks. Must be time to deal with IT. Yikes.....
Today it certainly feels like Fall.........the rain and cooler temperatures grab our attention. Thanksgiving is right around the corner for those of us in Canada though and had a wonderful phone call from my new daughter in law asking if I had any plans yet. Interesting because this morning while writing I had made a note to call the kids and ask if they would like to have a QUIET Thanksgiving dinner in my home. And as it turns out, she is ready for a quiet get together ala ME as her family has been full on celebration for the past couple of months, what with the preparation for the wedding and then THE DAY so she was hoping that I would supply the "parental" dinner for Thanksgiving. Felt VERY VERY good.
And with Thanksgiving fast approaching I am preparing to give thanks for this time of clearing within me.....this time of release of all that angst that has been nipping at my heels and tugging on my Soul.
It's all good and in divine right time and order. I do feel blessed even within the midst of all this change.
Blessings to you all.
Namaste
For any of you who have read the Artist's Way, you'll know of what I speak. And for those of you who don't know of this book, it is all about harnessing your creativity and spirituality through your own personal insights....or at least that is what it has become to me.
It is also a way for me to work through my stuff without anyone else giving me their two cents worth, not that I don't value the input of others but at this point in time it is up to me to move past this current phase. Very revelatory actually and am learning a lot about me. In fact learning more at this time on my own than ever before so, while it is quite solitary, I know it is for the best.
I've never been one to enjoy times of solitude but this time it is different. I have been told it is called cocooning by some. For others it is referred to as going into the cave. Whatever it is, it is certainly a time to just be with me and me alone. Not feeling the urge or urgency to get out there amongst the masses......not even to dance. Sleeping lots and writing when the urge hits but other than that, just maintaining at the gym and eating when I feel hungry.
No more reaching out to others which is totally different and at first it elicited fear within me. But as the days have progressed, I am finding that I am enjoying this time of solitude. Finding myself a tad too unmotivated however and working on that.
Had an encounter with someone today - in fact one of the people that "helped" put me into this place of solitude - and the reaction I had to her was pretty profound. Extreme feelings of anxiety and anger rose to the surface and I need to deal with that. I'm sure she is not the only source of anger in my psyche but it surprised me as I don't deal with anger much at all anymore but, surprise, surprise......it is lingering just beneath the surface. Good to be aware of that methinks. Must be time to deal with IT. Yikes.....
Today it certainly feels like Fall.........the rain and cooler temperatures grab our attention. Thanksgiving is right around the corner for those of us in Canada though and had a wonderful phone call from my new daughter in law asking if I had any plans yet. Interesting because this morning while writing I had made a note to call the kids and ask if they would like to have a QUIET Thanksgiving dinner in my home. And as it turns out, she is ready for a quiet get together ala ME as her family has been full on celebration for the past couple of months, what with the preparation for the wedding and then THE DAY so she was hoping that I would supply the "parental" dinner for Thanksgiving. Felt VERY VERY good.
And with Thanksgiving fast approaching I am preparing to give thanks for this time of clearing within me.....this time of release of all that angst that has been nipping at my heels and tugging on my Soul.
It's all good and in divine right time and order. I do feel blessed even within the midst of all this change.
Blessings to you all.
Namaste
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